Sucker Punch
Sugar Shane Mosley defeated Fernando Vargas Saturday night in six rounds by TKO, marking one of the few times this year boxing has found itself in the national spotlight (read: on SportsCenter).
But here's the rub: I don't care.
This isn't a blog in which I lament the fall in boxing's popularity over the past decade-plus. Nor will I spend this space blaming the sport's downfall on the lunacy of one Mike Tyson. I also won't be longing for the days of Sugar Ray Leonard or even the god himself, Muhammed Ali.
For one, we already know these things to be near-universal truths in the sporting world, so to reiterate them would be utterly pointless.
No...I instead use this blog space to articulate how I never truly enjoyed boxing, even in the days of Foreman and Ali and a pre-rape trial Tyson. A sport long praised by sportswriters and sportscasters for its elegant brutality has never been more to me than some professionally-sanctioned schoolyard brawl.
If I wanted to see two men beating each other to a bloody pulp, I'll go catch a hockey game. Or see if I can find the right frat party at one of the many colleges in southeastern Virginia.
Or, better yet, I'll go back to high school, where it seemed like everybody was trying to pick a fight. The jocks hated the computer nerds, the cheerleaders hated the goth chicks, the grunge kids hated the preppy boys...you get the idea.
I simply have never been able to get behind a sport where the whole point is to punch the other guy in the face. I'm fine with a sport where fully-grown men pummel each other for a ball that's not even round, and I'm more than willing to get behind 43 guys driving around in circles at 200 MPH for hours on end. Hell, catch me in the right mood, and I might even entertain the idea of a bunch of guys running around trying to kick a ball into a net surrounded by fans so passionate and crazy they're willing to kill.
But I just can't get into two men punching each other in their (admittedly shiny) boxers. That sounds like a bad X-rated film waiting to happen.
This isn't about that Ultimate Fighting stuff you're likely to find on Spike TV, either. Yes, it seems more authentic than boxing, but that doesn't mean I like it any more. If I want bloody fighting, I'll play Mortal Kombat. I want more in my sports than mindless bloodshed and fisticuffs.
When two guys drop their mitts in hockey, there's usually a reason: one guy feels the other guy screwed him in some way, so they have at it. And they drop their gloves; in boxing, you have to put gloves on.
Like those gloves are gonna make any difference.
Fights in baseball, laughable as they often are, also serve a purpose, usually the the-pitcher-hit-me-and-I-think-he-did-it-on-purpose variety.
In auto racing, guys'll fight over an alleged wreck...or attempted wreck.
Right, Kurt Busch?
But in boxing, there's no point to the punching...unless you count the punching. Maybe I'm crazy, but I've always looked at fights and thought, "Okay, why are those guys fighting?" And that's why I can never get into boxing; I see no reason for the two guys in the ring to be fighting. Maybe if someone combined the authentic violence of boxing with the over-the-top storylines of the WWE, then I'd watch.
But as it is, boxing is nothing to me but pointless brutality. The kind that was more entertaining in high school.
But here's the rub: I don't care.
This isn't a blog in which I lament the fall in boxing's popularity over the past decade-plus. Nor will I spend this space blaming the sport's downfall on the lunacy of one Mike Tyson. I also won't be longing for the days of Sugar Ray Leonard or even the god himself, Muhammed Ali.
For one, we already know these things to be near-universal truths in the sporting world, so to reiterate them would be utterly pointless.
No...I instead use this blog space to articulate how I never truly enjoyed boxing, even in the days of Foreman and Ali and a pre-rape trial Tyson. A sport long praised by sportswriters and sportscasters for its elegant brutality has never been more to me than some professionally-sanctioned schoolyard brawl.
If I wanted to see two men beating each other to a bloody pulp, I'll go catch a hockey game. Or see if I can find the right frat party at one of the many colleges in southeastern Virginia.
Or, better yet, I'll go back to high school, where it seemed like everybody was trying to pick a fight. The jocks hated the computer nerds, the cheerleaders hated the goth chicks, the grunge kids hated the preppy boys...you get the idea.
I simply have never been able to get behind a sport where the whole point is to punch the other guy in the face. I'm fine with a sport where fully-grown men pummel each other for a ball that's not even round, and I'm more than willing to get behind 43 guys driving around in circles at 200 MPH for hours on end. Hell, catch me in the right mood, and I might even entertain the idea of a bunch of guys running around trying to kick a ball into a net surrounded by fans so passionate and crazy they're willing to kill.
But I just can't get into two men punching each other in their (admittedly shiny) boxers. That sounds like a bad X-rated film waiting to happen.
This isn't about that Ultimate Fighting stuff you're likely to find on Spike TV, either. Yes, it seems more authentic than boxing, but that doesn't mean I like it any more. If I want bloody fighting, I'll play Mortal Kombat. I want more in my sports than mindless bloodshed and fisticuffs.
When two guys drop their mitts in hockey, there's usually a reason: one guy feels the other guy screwed him in some way, so they have at it. And they drop their gloves; in boxing, you have to put gloves on.
Like those gloves are gonna make any difference.
Fights in baseball, laughable as they often are, also serve a purpose, usually the the-pitcher-hit-me-and-I-think-he-did-it-on-purpose variety.
In auto racing, guys'll fight over an alleged wreck...or attempted wreck.
Right, Kurt Busch?
But in boxing, there's no point to the punching...unless you count the punching. Maybe I'm crazy, but I've always looked at fights and thought, "Okay, why are those guys fighting?" And that's why I can never get into boxing; I see no reason for the two guys in the ring to be fighting. Maybe if someone combined the authentic violence of boxing with the over-the-top storylines of the WWE, then I'd watch.
But as it is, boxing is nothing to me but pointless brutality. The kind that was more entertaining in high school.
posted by Jeff Cunningham at 9:44 PM
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