Quite the Sordid Affair ...

You know, if I were a less talented writer, I’d be tempted to start this column with either a famous soap opera quote involving an hourglass or I’d make a sick joke only fans of Family Guy would be proud of.

But I’m better than that, so in theory, I should be able to come up with something more intelligent and witty. But … I can’t, so in order to not subject myself (or you guys) to the groan-worthy corniness that would be the above options, I’ll simply tell it like it is:

Erin Crocker and Ray Evernham did something bad. Something that just so happens to rhyme with “duck.”

For those who have no clue who the aforementioned are, here’s a primer:

Evernham currently owns a three-car Nextel Cup operation that houses drivers Kasey Kahne, Elliott Sadler and Scott Riggs. He was in front of Dodge’s return to NASCAR in 1999, and though he’s yet to win a championship as a car owner, he has visited Victory Lane numerous times.

Just not as often as he did in his old gig. From 1992 to 1999, Evernham was Jeff Gordon’s crew chief with Hendrick Motorsports. In that time, they won 47 races and three Cup championships.

Crocker is the first woman to win a World of Outlaws sprint car race, and was signed in 2004 by Evernham to compete in ARCA, Craftsman Truck, NASCAR Busch and NASCAR Nextel Cup Series races. On top of developing her skills as a driver – and partially cashing in on the hype surrounded by Danica Patrick in the IndyCar Series – Evernham began growing closer to his new driver.

They started dating. Evernham is 50; Crocker 26. She’s just one year older than me … and her boyfriend is old enough to be her father.

Let that sink in for a minute.

…

Right, moving on … when Evernham fired Cup driver Jeremy Mayfield last year for a “lack of performance,” I’m not convinced he was lying – Mayfield was indeed performing poorly in the No. 19 Dodge. But Mayfield was vocally against Evernham’s relationship with Crocker and said it would hurt both the team and Crocker’s career.

I didn’t believe Mayfield at the time, but after Evernham acknowledged the relationship publicly for the first time on Friday, I saw what was really going on … and how screwed up this whole thing was.

Is it any coincidence Evernham Motorsports is struggling this year? That Riggs needs to qualify on time every week, and Kahne and Sadler can’t run well or finish races this season? How about Crocker’s consistent inability to perform to expectations? She finished a measly 25 th in the Craftsman Truck points standings last season, and her performance had bumped her to the ARCA series while she splits time with PRN Radio and looking for a new team.

Both Evernham and Crocker realize how big a mistake the relationship was. They both say that for Crocker to have the kind of stock car career she wants, she needs to find a new team. In essence, it becomes a credibility issue. Evernham can talk her up to sponsors all he wants, but the fact that she’s his girlfriend is going to give a potential sponsor pause.

And the longer Crocker stays with Evernham – be it business or otherwise – the more her credibility suffers. People would wonder … does she have a ride because of her talent, or because she’s sleeping in boss man’s bed?

Oh, and did I mention Evernham’s old enough to be her father?!

Mayfield was right in saying what he did about the relationship Evernham and Crocker had; Evernham’s team is suffering, and in the process, he might’ve inadvertently ruined a promising – and pioneering – NASCAR career. The best thing for both parties is to split – professionally and personally – and go about their business. Evernham can work on getting his Dodges back to what they’re capable of – Kahne won five races last year – and Crocker can go about finding another ride and proving herself on the race track.

But they have to do this alone … together obviously hasn’t worked.

As if the battle for women on the race track isn’t hard enough, this sordid affair certainly can’t help matters.